So many days I see my life and wonder how I ended up "here". Here usually consists of in the middle of some stressful meltdown or argument over control/power with a child who is 4 yrs old or younger. Somehow, in those days of weeping cries to God for the blessing of motherhood it seemed more glamorous.
I didn't anticipate that motherhood would be easy... I knew it would be work. I guess, I just never expected the level of neurological explosion my brain would desire to escape the constant nagging/begging/whining/bargaining these freeloaders expel into my world. ...digression again, this, is a never ending state of complaining (and, as the example my children model themselves after, I wonder why they whine).
Comedy... where for art is thou now that they age?! As babies they'd do crazy things and immediately I'd think "blogworthy!". Blogging is now one of the last things on my mind. They say and do things randomly, but not to the insane levels of the past (either that, or I lost my sense of humor at some point). The older fellas are becoming these little people... they have thoughts and feelings and they make sense (occasionally) and it's fun and frightening to be a part of daily. They're both "in" school, and they hate that. Today (day 2) I was informed that school isn't their thing - it cuts into playtime. ...and since they're such intelligent kids, I should roll with it, right?
Hah.
And the baby, oh this baby. He's amazing and sweet and adorable and fun and he still loves me with nearly all he has. He hasn't discovered yet that I'm the evil ruler of the house. ...I anticipate his one day hatred and desire to overthrow management as well, as he does do and follow all that joel and kaeden do.
So, for now... I remind myself to look and think "how did I get here?" And remember that it was a lot of hard work... a lot of sacrifice... a lot of prayer and dependence upon God... and, compared to life before and the expectations there were; this is far more fulfilled and amazing and well... challenging. But, what outcome is as sweet when the fight to receive it isn't so hard?
Enjoy the laughter. Kiss the tears.
Relish the joy, embrace the fears.
Hold the moments, they readily pass
The days are long, but the years so fast
One day you cry with frustrations pain
But tomorrow's joy is never the same
