I read something on the internet that was profound to me. A mom, of four boys, who committed to not yelling for a year. A year folks... a YEAR?! I can barely get through a day with my preschool, selective hearing, rambunctious, destructive TWO boys without yelling... (and if that was to ever happen, I'd likely be drunk--and I'm not a huge drinker).
Something that most people don't know about me is that I have very little faith that I'll follow through with most everything. I suppose I get sidetracked by my tv, zone out, whatever... so I decided I would try the tactics that the article I read advised for a week. (a year?! still scratching my head at that one). Ten minutes after reading the article the only thing I could remember was "before exploding say to yourself 'at least....' and finish that statement to minimize the action caused by the child(ren)". (paraphrasing there, btw).
Now--a week ago I hurt my back. How is a whole additional story that includes bootie shaking and a punch in the face that nearly knocked me down the stairs (I was punched--to clarify). I digress... So, I decided in a moment of quiet peacefulness to relax my back. Joel and Kaeden were watching tv on my bed in our room... I thought nothing of it. When Joel walked out with a shotglass I thought "this might not be a great idea?" and asked what he had. He instructed me that this black shot glass was a spiderweb. As he got closer I realized that it had been a clear shotglass that had black marker all over it, inside. And then I saw it... the culprit, the danger, the epitome of all that is bad in the world of a mom of preschoolers... the dreaded sharpie (permanent marker). And, at that point... I realized that the shotglass was not the only object of the sharpie's affection. Joel was covered in sharpie marker...
This all would have been a "no harm no foul" moment, except that we had a picture appointment that afternoon.
Yeah. Seriously.
I scooped up his poor naked (yes, I know... we have a newfound love of nudity here) body and put him on the kitchen counter as me, my washrag, and my bath and body works pumpkin cupcake handsoap went to town on him. As I was washing his arms, his belly, and his face he sat smiling... and said so matter-of-factly "I drawed on my pee-pee momma". Indeed, indeed you did young son. Your father should be so proud. Indelible pubic hairs on my preschooler. Ugh.
Kaeden arrived shortly thereafter... or, should I call him "Presley, Kaeden Presley" as he had a new hairline and sideburns.
Lord, give me the strength... I need to make it through the preschool years to be rewarded with the school years. (oh the peace I fantasize will come with those years...)
And then it hit me "at least..." 1-at least they didn't draw on the walls or floors. 2-at least the soap and warm water was removing the ink from their bodies. 3-at least I have a blogworthy post to add to this very neglected site.
Then, after pictures at the mall, I decided we were doing well enough that we should be rewarded with the ever fattening mall food court. The boys decided on chicken and a burger... and then decided to retreat from all plans of actual consumption (because we do spend money on food just to look at it, throw it, complain about it, etc). After I finished eating I piled them into the cart I was able to "borrow" from Sears (I planned on using a mall stroller but that corral was broken). I said nothing, just bagged up their food and threw that into the cart with these two overgrown toddlers. Kaeden looked at me and quietly said "is you gonna yell mowma?" (I love the Boston accent these kids have). I responded "No, but I'm not the one who's going to be hungry either". --this story is important for the end of this post :)
After we left the mall, I had to run to Walgreens. I needed medication for my back. And, of course as Christmas is approaching and my kids are gaining in independence and awareness they want for all the toys that are displayed. Amidst the search for the on sale medication, I discovered that the boys had wandered away from the cart. As I walked to search I saw the Christmas wrapping paper aisle. There was a woman in the aisle with me as we both saw the box that held the rolls of paper begin to shake. She looked frightened, I was intrigued. Then, the bags of bows came flying off the hanger, followed by the gift tags. This poor woman stood, scared out of her mind, fearing that there was a ghost in Walgreens. She said so herself "this store is haunted!". It was after that, while standing utterly confused that I noticed the tip of a sippy cup. At that moment I realized--Walgreens was haunted by a ghost called Joel, and that I was doomed to be mortified. Shortly thereafter I heard "hewp momma, I is stuck!". Yes, somehow, Joel got in between the aisles and couldn't break free.
As we arrived home, Joel and Kaeden went into starvation mode and began begging for dinner at 4:30pm. Absolutely not... In strict "you should have eaten the lunch I bought" mode I informed them that dinner wouldn't be for a while so "sorry". They managed to get into the pantry and find a bag of opened pretzels. Joel, in his childhood hero mode was so enthused that he began screaming "I got da prehzuls Kayen!" and went running from the kitchen to Kaeden, in the family room. Problem there? He tripped over the threshold and that open bag of pretzels flew, hitting Kaeden, the baby, and every ounce of the freshly mopped/swept family room floor.
I smiled, and said "carry on" because ..."at least the floor was freshly cleaned". (but again, now the floor has to be cleaned again :( ).
I post this partially for the hilariousness that has become my parenting journey but also to say that when things don't go our way, we don't have to get hysterical and scream with the thought that our aggression and frustration should and needs to be voiced. Sometimes we (I) need to realize that my every word can effect these boys... and that I want a positive effect, not a negative one on them. I love them and want them to never question that. That isn't to say that I'm planning to ignore their bad behavior... but rather that I'm going to talk to them about it... and ask for suggestions on how to better those behaviors... and time out when necessary.
So... here's to another new parenting strategy that will probably last a few weeks, but I'll secretly hold the mindset that I'd love to continue this forever--as I've begun to enjoy my boys in a way I hadn't since before they began walking/talking. They're pretty funny little guys actually :)
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