Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Yes, this torture is mine.

This weekend was a bit hectic for our family, nothing bad just lots to do. Sunday, during a short period of "downtime" we decided to venture out to the mall, where we expected our very active little ones would enjoy running in the mall playground. This isn't an unusual place where they haven't been before, we actually frequent mall playgrounds pretty regularly. Point being, when my kids see the mall entrance we're usually greeted with a resounding "YAY", as opposed to the typical screams of containment we experience.

We decided to "reward" the children by not getting our own very normal, side by side twin stroller out and investing in the extravagent car stroller that you can rent from the mall. Typically the boys LOVE that stroller and scream to get it. So, being the cool, fun parents we thought, sure, why not! As we put the money in and the stroller was released, we got Kaeden in quite easily. I strapped him in (did I mention that Kaeden really should have been named Houdini, cause he can escape from anything?) and went for Joel. Joel began screaming and thrashing around--because unlike the many times of the past, he had decided he did NOT want to be in that particular stroller. (My assumption? He wanted to walk). We forced him into the stroller, as we wanted to do a bit of shopping before hitting the playground area--all to have Joel begin his typical toddler-thrash dance. He flings himself backwards, screams, bangs his head, overall it's an all out war for freedom (kind of like Bush's attempt on Iraq, without the guns).

Seeing as how we're the "aware" parents, knowing he's searching to 1-get his way and 2-get attention, we ignore the problem and continue on our way. Yes, as our toddler is thrashing around, hurting himself, we're steadily walking the halls of the mall, enjoying (hah) ourselves. A first-time-experience occurred shortly thereafter when a mall security guard stopped us to ask what was wrong with Joel. Interestingly enough, I'm 99.5% positive that he suspected that we'd kidnapped the thrash-tastic child we were torturing with that cool stroller. It wasn't until I snapped at the security guard "he's two, that's how they do" that he finally backed off and let us be.

Note: when we released that crackin in the mall playground, he was happy as a clam.


Joel discovered cupcakes and oreo's this week. (Mom's going on a diet and had to get all the junk food eaten and gone--hence the increase in sugar diet). When he made it into the kitchen, he grabbed the sams club sized box of cupcakes, smacked me in the side with it, and screamed "OH GAH! CUH CAYS!". Yes, in toddler jargan that was "oh God, cupcakes!". I think.

And the oreo experience... wow. I was thinking "his first oreo, he's going to love it!" I hand it to him, he twists off the top cookie, throws it on the ground, and began licking the cream as though he'd had a thousand cookies like this in the past. ...now I'm wondering which grandparent taught him that (particularly the throwing the cookie part on the ground). Both have admitted that they've given the boys oreo's... and are in violation of the grandparent contract (kidding, kidding). Gotta love those spoiling grandparents (are there really any other kind?)

That being said, our days lately have been pretty relaxed (dare I say). We joined a baby gym, where they ran and played and hit up a park while enjoying this beautiful winter weather (seriously, 50's in January?). Tomorrow we're heading to that McDonald's where we lost Kaeden last week. ...should be an entertaining experience.

Til next time...

Friday, January 27, 2012

Flying poo, I mean food.

It's nearing the 1am mark on a Friday night/Saturday morning. Three years ago, I'd still be out. Tonight, I'm home, just finished putting away groceries, blogging about the insanity that has become my life. Where once insanity was about the bars, dancing, and bands... it's now become the food fights, destruction, and silly things that come from itty bitty mouths of babes.

I was greeted this morning by a naked little fellow in bed. While this may have at once been a very shocking but exciting thing--today, not so much. That naked little fellow was the infamous Kaeden and he'd ripped everything, including his diaper off... thrown it onto the floor, and proceeded to redecorate with urine, all over his room. "Surprise Mommy!" is what I believe his Kaeden-ese said as I groaned for the first time today--at 7:30, am. (but, for the record, he did repeate "I get naked" when I asked why he was naked. So sweet.)

Joel decided that Olive Garden wasn't exciting enough at lunch time. ...they must not have gotten the memo about the circus show we brought to town cause they sure didn't seem very amused with the plate throwing and food flying. Tough crowd, yet again.

We did discover the McDonald's playland today. The breath of fresh greased up air that hit my lungs was enough to let me sing from the mountain tops "Hallelujia!!" because those little ankle biters of mine escaped into happy glee that didn't result in destruction, danger, or a mess for nearly an hour. Now, when we discovered we'd lost Kaeden somewhere in a tube lined tree there was a bit of the natural chaos that seems to come so very naturally anymore--but we did eventually find a character that seemed to fit the bill.

In addition to all that, we enjoyed time at the park, with snow coming down at about 8pm tonight. Yes, yes, I'm aware that 8pm is the boys bedtime, but hey, when a snow covered park comes calling it's hard to say no. Just ask them. And, Mommy enjoyed screaming "I'm gonna get you!!" and chasing after them. ...my version of hysterical torture (not to be confused with theirs, which usually results in a very large clean up in aisle whatever). Note to self: don't chase Kaeden and his itty bitty legs while he's not watching for divot's in the mulch. Well, not without his super-baby cape cause when he goes flying, he REALLY goes flying. (and that divot was right next to the slide so, picture whoosh, dink, and the baby is back up and running while mommy's furreaaaking out).

Now, yesterday...

Yesterday was one of those "why did I want children again" kind of days. After a shortened night of sleep and a lot of activity we ditched the idea of naptime to enjoy lunch with the boys grandma. I decided it might be fun to go to a hibachi grill restaurant. The boys thought it was fun to try to scare the fish that the restaurant housed. (hopefully there were no fish harmed in the housing of our children in said restaurant). When the grill started up, the boys were scared straight... as they clung on for safety seeing fire shooting off the grill. My thoughts? Dear Lord why was I thinking this was a good idea, they're going to be three and turn into pyromaniacs!

I digress.

Lunch actually went fairly well. We had one plate fly, a juice cup spill (thrown) and shatter, and two fairly quiet toddlers. I'd give them a 6. Yup, even with the broken dishes and food splatters.

Later in the day we went to a baby store to introduce a newly pregnant mommy friend of mine into the ever-loving-necessities of having a baby. (now, how did they do this whole child rearing in the olden days without the bumbo, exersaucer, formula seperators, and moby wraps?) Joel didn't get enough sleep, nap wise, and had an all out fit in the store. He was so bad he vomitted all over him and myself. Yup--you're grossed out now, just wait--it's gonna get worse. My poor friend tried to help and I demanded she just walk back, away. ...by the end of our shopping trip after trying animal crackers, new sippy cups, juice, m&m's, and fruit pouches Joel had surely convinced her that all she needed for this child was an abortion--because if they were all as bad as Joel, God save the world.

Then we went to dinner. Walking in, I thought... I've got the perfect plan (laugh now, seriously). I'll send her to get her food while I change the boys diapers, and then I'll leave them with her while I order for us. Great. No fighting with them to stand still, and peace for the thirty seconds it takes to order. Score! What I hadn't considered in that was who was going to assist in supervising while I was changing diapers. Doesn't sound like a big deal but toddlers who are banned from bathrooms, allowed to run lose in a one stall private bathroom--DANGER!! By the time I finished the first diaper Joel had managed to empty the female hygiene recepticle into the toilet. (as I said, gross). Note to self: add plastic gloves to the diaper bag, and be thankful that I was smart enough to put hand sanitizer in.

So... that's the end of my week in a nutshell (toiletbowl?).

And, amazingly enough... I love those little monsters with more than my whole being and wouldn't trade the insanity of my life for a moment. (but then again, remember it's 1:30am and I definately am lacking sleep).

"tada!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Today my facebook status said "Moms of multiples, how did you get through the terrible two's without picking up a drinking habbit". Earlier today my mindset was "it's strange to love someone so much that you don't particularly like".

...I think I need some wine.

My pastor said that all human beings are created in sin. He even went so far as to say that the beautiful, healthy, happy, perfect children that are sent home to be raised by us super-mom's are sinful. ...shocked, we all sat questioning the sanity of our religious leader. He then reminded us to ask the parent of a two year old.

Interestingly enough, as I write this, my two year old just dumped an entire game and it's eight gazillion small pieces on the floor, said "tada" and walked away. Note to self: you are not only a mother, teacher, cook, referee, housekeeper, super-woman, but also a vacuum. (too bad I'm not as scary as *that* vacuum, huh?)

Backing up, thinking of our day (yes, just today) I put each child into time out (for fighting with one another) at least seven times (each). I faught (fought?) for two hours to get one down for a 45minute nap (got to love developmental therapy times!), and was welcomed into a front room full of styrofoam after taking a five minute "got to find my sanity" bathroom break.

Another day of toddler life.

I almost forgot to mention the boys newest trick! How dare I?!

We have introduced the concept (I laugh as I say concept) of "the open cup" (hearing the echo's, cup cup cup cup?). What I expected to be the next milestone of growing up, sanity, learning, eh, whatever... has become the newest tool of torture (or would that be toy of torture?). As a housewife I would say I swept and mopped our floors about, oh, once a month. I've learned that as a mom of toddlers I have to sweep two or three times a day and mop at least once every other day (well, I should. That, however, doesn't actually happen).

The open cup (cup cup cup cup) has increased my housecleaning chores by leaps and bounds (chime in with childhood "YAY's" right now). Seriously?! I think I'm going to take stock in McDonald's and work with the straw, lid combo. Who thinks these things up?! Open cups for two year olds. Whoever that is, I'm bringing my destructor children to their house to destroy their floors. Though, I'd bet they would be smart enough to convince their two year olds to drink water, too, huh?

...yes, propel is the best I can do on the water scale. I'm a schmuck. I know.

So, as I set this entry to a close... picture me, bent over, mopping the floors, sweeping the "where'd-you-get-styrofoam" styrofoam, and enjoying my everlasting supply of invisible bon-bon's.. because that's simply the life of a mom of two in the terrible two's.

Which sippy cup did I hide that wine in again? (kidding, kidding).

Friday, January 20, 2012

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Difficult, Tantruming Day

In my days of teacher aiding, so very long ago, I remember a book the kids loved... "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". Ironically, that's pretty much what played over and over again in my brain most of the day today.

Feel free to laugh at my experience... at least it makes it worth it.

I didn't clean up the kids toys last night (sue me, I was tired). So, this morning they awoke to a crazy mess. (YAY). They didn't seem to mind... so why would I? After diaper and clothing changes I decided to make peanutbutter sandwiches on cinnimon raisin bread for breakfast. Thinking I'd let them have the "special fun" breakfast and eat at their new kids table, in our front room, I left them to entertain themselves in the toy jungle (aka our front room). Now, when I grabbed their sippy cups to fill, I managed to turn and see my sweet, adorable boys covered in white powder. As the sippy's fell to the ground, and the shriek's began I think they realized that something was wrong. The something they thought was wrong probably wasn't that they opened and dropped the entire tub of cookies that were left (by Grandma, I swear) in the toy jungle--but probably more the knowledge that their unfilled sippy's just hit the floor.

How dare I.

As the snow began to fall outside, I began cleaning the snow in the toy jungle. ...and, I didn't mind that the vacuum scared them, just so you know. I was quietly content that they were both standing on the couch as though a mouse ran under it--screaming their little heads off, while they watched the vacuum blaring. ...secretly I hope the "trama" of my cleaning helps them to stop destroying my house. ...maybe in about twenty years that dream will come true. Til then, I'll have to enjoy the vacuum torture that occurs. (and did I mention Kaed's new fear of the washing machine? ...weird, but we'll catagorize that for later use).

After breakfast, we had playtime before heading off to a fun, exciting day at a local children's museum. My favorite church ladies arranged this for the local mommies. YES--sanity, other mom's! I asked the boys "are you ready to go play with your friends?!". Both nodded "no".

Surely they have no idea what they're saying--so into your coats you go. ...and nevermind that having to chase you down and force you into your coat. I got that game mastered sir.

So, into the car we go. Everyone in a pretty decent mood. We get to the museum and after a short while of "get over here and wait patiently" (and that game--two year olds don't do well with, btw) we paid and entered. Immediately "Whoa, WOW"'s began. They stood outside the water room drooling at the thought of getting ahold of all that splashing--surely. Okay, maybe I was the drooling one--thinking of how much water these little water monsters were going to throw around a room and I didn't have to clean it up (yeah, I said it). But first--lockers. Because, in our old days we brought the stroller everywhere--and we're *trying* life with feet.

Trust me--I prefer the stroller.

About an hour into playing... meltdown #1. And for the following hour, meltdown's #2-#186. Two and a half hours in (maybe) I decided to leave. Probably good too, since about three seconds before pulling into the driveway the boys fell asleep. Too bad Kaeden's that child who wakes up and thinks he's rested for an entire night. Note to self: Kaeden can go to bed six hours early tonight--he'll be tired.

Since they fell asleep I decided to treat myself to a coffee at McDonalds. Wasn't until I got to the window that I realized... diaper bag, which housed my wallet, was thrown into the trunk. Never mind coffee... we'll meet again another time.

After naps, I decided to pack those poor children back into their winter gear to battle the snow. We had to get our van from the dealership where it was having recall work done. Rather than search for their shoes (aka newest and coolest toys) I decided to carry them to the car. Though Kaed was having one of his screaming fits--I decided to grab Joel first. I told Kaed I'd be right back. ...I should have known better. After I got Joel strapped in, I turned to discover a very proud and cold Kaeden standing in front of the car, in six inches of snow drift, wearing nothing but his socks (well, on his feet, he was dressed).

Seriously child? Do you get "cold"? Ugh.

So, off we go. In a blizzard. To get a van that we can't even drive (cause neither of the boys has their license, duh). And kerplunk (sp?). We got as far as the curb before that itty bitty rental got stuck. (note: don't make fun of the mom-mobile--which has bigger, far more expensive, tires that get through more than six inches of snow--well maybe?). At that point, I looked to the heavens and told God "k, I give up." I unpacked the kids (and even carried Kaeden, preventing further frostbite on his itty bitty toes) and turned on a nice kids show. I then went to the garage and retrieved a shovel.

At that point--I released my inner crackin'. I shoveled (and did a horrible job) my stress away.

Intro

Old Mister Webster defines "inspiration" as an idea or someone who inspires. Who better than to inspire you than your own children? The idea, to document all the many times they make you laugh, cry, pull your hair out, scream, and double over with complete and total joy.

So begins "The Mommy Adventures". (note: our children were welcomed into our world through the amazing gift of foster/adoption).

Introducing the "characters". (haha, characters, like the little joyful turture devices aren't "real" people).

Joel-my amazingly wonderful tantruming two year old son. He grabbed my heart the first day I met him. God blessed me and softened my heart the day we met. He was merely two days old. Peaceful, dependent, beautiful, ...amazing. These days, he's an independent thinker, an avid train lover, big brother, lover and fighter. He prides himself on praise and destroys all in his path when having a bad day/moment. ...God love him, but I can't wait for these two year old tantrums to subside.

Kaeden-my cute comedian. Nearing the two year old mark he's a charmer. He knows he's hysterical and I'm pretty sure he's caught on to his cuteness as well. Dimples deep as fresh summer potholes and skin so carmel that it makes you want to dip an apple in him (don't, he's usually just as sticky as carmel). He's my future class clown. He dances, sings, and plays any instrument you put in front of him (not well, but he plays). He's destined to be an entertainer--or a used car salesman. Either way.

Now, to get to a "real" entry...